Passwords: I have reached the age where “Incorrect Password” feels like a personal insult. I know what I typed. The computer is gaslighting me.

Phone Calls: If you call me instead of texting, I assume there is either a fire or you are calling from the year 1994. Either way, I’m not answering.

Software Updates: Clicking “Remind Me Tomorrow” on a computer update is the closest I’ll ever get to being a high-stakes rebel.

Productivity: I’m very productive. For example, today I spent three hours researching “how to be more productive” instead of doing the one thing I actually had to do.

The Alarm Clock: My alarm clock and I have a great relationship. I hate it, and it enjoys watching me ruin my entire day 9 minutes at a time.